hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
