I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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