Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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