ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
