Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
