when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
