Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
