they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
