I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
