Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
