He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
