foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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