I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
