Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
