Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
