I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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