i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
