Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
