dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
