i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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