he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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