It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
