just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
