her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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