Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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