I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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