I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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