Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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