He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
