dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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