i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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