whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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