Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
