remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
