It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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