i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
