It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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