i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
