best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
