If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
