Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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