textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
