I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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