Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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