Can Purell be used as lube?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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