I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
