shes about as inviting as chlamydia
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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