So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am available for nakedness
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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