i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
