bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
