I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
