he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
