2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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