It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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