so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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