just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
